The Little Douche Coup

It is a sad day for me today friends.  My trusty car, The Red Wonder ('I wonder if it will start today') is on it's last legs, so to speak. This is not something that has happened overnight.  It has been a very gentle decline, a sort of coast downhill in Mexican overdrive.

It started with a glitchy ignition, which only engages if the moisture content of the air is just right, i.e. whatever is the exact opposite of that normally found in a temperate rain forest.  Then the horn died, which means I occasionally lean on the airbag in silent outrage when I get cut off.  This is far less satisfying than you think.  

After the horn went, the rear driver-side window followed soon after.  It didn't go anywhere, but it just sort of floats around in the door.  I spent 45 minutes locked out of my car one afternoon before it occurred to me that having a window I can slide down while outside of the car is a great feature, one I wished I'd recalled about 44 minutes sooner.

Once the ignition, horn and window all began shirking their duties, I think the rest of the car just got lazy.  The passenger door sticks.  The interior light won't turn off unless I remove the bulb.  Something is squeaky under the hood.  The muffler rattles.   The only thing that seems to be functioning is the little orange light on my dashboard which assures me that, yes, it has checked and there is an engine.  

But Husband, who would rather ride a Pogo stick to work than take a car in to a garage, finally stepped in and offered help when I fired her up this morning and a sound like the sins of angels came screaming from under the hood.  The squeak has suddenly became an ear-piercing shriek which disturbed Husband  from his morning's slumber and seriously put a passing eagle off his breakfast.  

I am not in the market for a new car. I have faith in Husbands' ability to repair everything from a roof to an electric cheese grater.  A mere car is no match for his skills with the Duct Tape and blow torch.  And I have no problems driving his van in the interim. 

I just wish it had a loose window, since I've already locked the keys inside it.