Where is my bike?
Why is my bike in the back shed, who moved it there?
Where is the saddle and post for my bike?
I am going to kill Husband.
Why is the post for my bike in the garage?
Why is the saddle on the post the crappy $15 one? Where is my $80 Terry Cite X Gel Saddle "designed for her comfort", with all the right bits in all the right places for my lady bits?
Text from Husband: Oh, that seat. Um. Sorry. It's at work. Sorry. On my bike. Um. Sorry. Get Helpful Coworker to go get it maybe? Sorry. Um.
Helpful Coworker is under the weather and besides, that's a silly reason to disturb someone's Sunday morning, no matter how wonderfully helpful they are.
I am going to kill Husband.
Never mind, I will use the crappy seat and enjoy my sunny Sunday no matter the cost to my lady bits. This is going to be so great!
Wait. Where is the allan key set?
And the tire pump?
Text from Husband: Oh. The allan key set is in the big blue tool chest behind the other big blue tool chest, in the drawer marked "Glues and Caulks". Not in the drawer with the glues and caulks, marked "Drivers and Bits". I don't know where the big pump is. The small, tubular, silver one is on the tray with 5000 other small, tubular, silver tools. Sorry.
I am really going to kill him.
Pumping up my tires, I am so close to my first bike ride! This is going to be so great!!
Where is that hissing coming from?
Seriously, where is that hissing coming from?
Canadian Tire Service Person: This kit right here is the best we have for patching bike tires. Can I interest you in an allan key set and a large bike pump also?
Hugs with strangers are great.
Plus, I am a grown up. I can patch this tire. Step one, find the leak...
Oh. The hissing is coming from the bike pump.
Ok.
At least I have a fancy new travel sized allan key set with which to tighten on the crappy seat.
Clip shoes make the best noise on the paved driveway, don't you think? Clomp clomp. Grown ups can enjoy clompy shoes as long as they are Serious about their Sport.
Clomp clomp clomp.
Camel Pack and helmet on, check! Map My Run engaged, check! Here I go! This is going to be so great!
Crap. My chain just came off.
Not to worry. I am a grown up, it's just that now I'm an oily one. Luckily I am wearing the pair of padded bike shorts I borrowed from Husband. Hands not so oily now. Ha.
Map My Run: Distance, 5 kilometers. Time, 28 minutes, 45 seconds. Average speed, Old Lady Pushing Grocery Cart Uphill.
Wow. I never noticed how snarky that voice sounds.
Look how lovely and green Alberta is! This is really great!
It's raining. It was sunny like 5 seconds ago. I guess I better turn around.
What the hell was that!?
Oh.
My seat just fell off.
Whew. That was close. Lucky for me I landed on my already wounded back, with my feet still attached to their pedal clips, which I recall swearing to a friend only yesterday almost never happens.
Right in front of a delivery van.
Seriously, hugs with strangers are the best.
No injuries to anything worse than my pride. I'll just pop this seat right back on with...
Wait. WHERE IS MY NEW ALLAN KEY SET.
Omniscient Memory Camera zooms in on handy new travel sized allan key set, tucked in convenient travel case, sitting carefully on top of the blue tool box next to the other blue tool box.In the garage.
I don't know how this, too, is his fault but I am so going to kill Husband.
