Driving Like an Albertan
There are only four reasons an Albertan drives anywhere.
1. To annoy me on my way to work.
2. To annoy me on my way home.
3. To annoy me at night.
4. To annoy me on trail.
Let's break down how I can best blend in with all of the madness.
1. To drive like those who annoy me on my way to work I will have to develop a knack for racing up behind a vehicle, nearly slamming into it's back bumper, barely scraping past it with no concern for oncoming traffic, then slamming on my brakes to drive 45 km an hour in a 60 km zone. All. The. Way. To. My. School. Then accelerating to Warp 5 through the school zone.
2. In order to get home like an Albertan, I will have to wander vaguely left and right across the four lane highway while I apparently send vital texts to other Albertan drivers about the crazy person behind me who insists on driving in a straight line.
3. Night driving essentially involves all of the above, with high beams locked on their stun setting.
4. Hiking trails in this area are for the exclusive use of, in no particular order, crappy trucks, expensive trucks, four-wheelers, dirt bikes, snowmobiles, ditching and burning stolen cars, and enjoying the battered remains of local song birds and wildflowers.
It goes without saying that I will also need a big, silly truck and a bumper sticker that affirms my devotion to small boys urinating on things.
