Volvo: 'The Swedish are smarter than you and so are their cars'

I bid farewell to an old friend last week.  On Friday, reluctantly and with a few tears, we took the Red Wonder for it's last drive.  Without any ceremony (or notice) Husband decided there was not enough Duct Tape in the world to keep my little buggy on the road and simply replaced it with something far sturdier and with functioning headlamps. 


Turning over the keys to my beloved 'car' felt like limping an old pooch to the vet for the longest walk. As I think back on our time together I know I will never have another car like it. I recall fondly the day I discovered I could put the trunk lid back on all by myself.  I loved knowing there was only one way I could insert the bent key into the ignition which didn't lock the entire steering column.  I remember the day brought it home as a replacement for a car which had failed to function as a mode of transportation in the most spectacular of ways: the brakes failed at the same time as the transmission.  


Formed by impassive ingenuity and running on high octane Swedish chocolate, this new car of mine is not getting off on the right foot, as it were. I confess I look upon it with suspicion.  Firstly, it starts. It also smells clean and new, as though the previous owner was too good for McD's fries.  Furthermore, I have a hard time believing all the wonders the user guide promises, things like 'air bags' or 'anti-lock brakes' or 'gas mileage.'  These sound made up.


This new car, if I am to believe what I read, is also far smarter than any car has a right to be.  According to the manual, I should be unable to lock my keys in this car.  It was designed to prevent this. I am deeply offended by the implication that I would fail to have a back up plan for this situation and I am already searching for a way to disable the passenger window.