It's that time of year again, when we take a long hard look at ourselves, pull out the Big Red Editing Pen of The Soul and draw X's through all the bits we swear to change. I had a little help choosing mine this year.
I have given up coffee. Husband, who should never be allowed to talk to people, came home from skiing with a hippie last week and was fraught with concern about my calcium and magnesium levels. Simply fraught, I tell you.
Did you know that caffeine leaches calcium and magnesium from your body by impairing your bowels' ability to absorb it from food as it passes through your digestive system?
Neither did I. You're welcome.
Husband is a morning person and requires nothing more than his own deranged sense of well-being to buffer his tender soul against the day ahead. It has already been noted, loyal reader, that I will dig through piles of boxes in the basement to find the last remaining, out-of-date packet of freeze-dried camp coffee rather than face the dawn light caffeine free.
"You are addicted, dearest, you shouldn't need anything this much," said Husband as he threw away the last few precious coffee grounds left in the container. I watched him with narrowed eyes as he extolled the virtues of green tea and something called 'wah-terr'.
I don't understand this whole green tea thing. They put it in everything now; it's like the lead in children's toys. It must be good for you because it tastes like something that has to be good for you. Green tea may be the coffee of the new millennium but it turns my pee a funny colour and tastes like the dog's bath water.
"Coffee is not good for you, sweetie, we have to give it up," Husband continued to talk about antioxidants and bone density but I couldn't hear him very clearly, as he was cowering behind the sofa.
Interesting how coffee is not good for me so we are giving it up. I shall see to it that my caffeine withdrawal symptoms make our life a living nightmare.
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