Second Class? Excuse me?

"Good afternoon ladies and gentlemen.  Welcome aboard Air Canada Flight 137 to Fhloston Paradise.  We can't explain the funny smell and we're currently trying to find the rest of the landing gear but I recently had a huge fight with my wife and a shot of whisky so I figure we're going to take off anyway. The flight will take 4 hours which will seem like 40.  There will be no beverage service.


For those of you traveling in First Class, the flight attendants will be around shortly with newspapers, hot towels, complimentary puppies and prostitutes.  In the unlikely event of an emergency the Economy Passengers will be jettisoned in order to reduce weight.  If you spot an Economy passenger through the curtain, your tagging guns and cattle prods are located in the credenza beside the pool."