Thank you for your overwhelming interest in my personal life. Please consult the following list for answers to all those private questions you seem to feel you have the right to ask me publicly, and then kindly high five yourselves in the face with a shovel.
- No, we have not sold our house yet. I am alarmed that you know we are listed. How did you get my address?
- Yes, my job has been posted. Gee, it's too bad that you missed the cut off date for resumes. It must be really frustrating to live in a part of town where the paper never, ever gets delivered and there is no internet or radio or other people.
- No, I do not yet have a job waiting for me at our new posting but thanks for laughing blandly and turning away to sip your mojito, even though it is clear I'm barely keeping the anxiety about my financial and professional future in check. You rock.
- Kids? No, we don't have any. Maybe they were abducted by alien terrorists or sharks or something. How do you feel now, Nosey Person? You'd know that if you knew us. At all.
- Cold Lake. (pause for humourless jokes about snow/daylight hours/bugs/ennui, or this ) We are really looking forward to the opportunity but I can see that you're busy being a dick about it so don't let me interrupt.
- My last PAP went well, no concerns.
Hope you don't get mauled by bears,
Remote
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