The Road To Hell

With the best of intentions... I went back to Costco.  I went there to purchase a specific item for a friend who needed to smile and this item could only be found.... at Costco.  I realise how ridiculous that sounds; that an item would only be available at Costco. Don't forget that I live on a tiny island on the edge of Canada so when it comes to huge box stores selling large quantities of mass-produced consumer goods, I only have one option.

I was in the store to buy one gift and get out as I wanted no repeats of The Muffin Incident.  I maintained a careful distance from all of the shiny Things and Stuff and went straight to the stack I needed.  Then, on the way out via the rest of the entire store, the friend upon who's card I was piggy-backing took me through the wretched cheese aisle and I felt my resolve begin to weaken.  Surely any corporation who understands how expensive dairy is here in BC, and can give it away for free to customers with no demand for purchase after sampling, surely such a corporation must have merit.  Must have a soul.  Maybe I was wrong.  Maybe I should give them another chance and truck loads of my money?

Wonderful items sang their beckoning songs from the mile-high shelves.  Magic Bullets and Android phones and cheap books.  Televisions and socks and speakers, oh my. I felt like Julie Andrews on a Swiss hilltop, twirling with joyous abandon through aisle upon aisle of natty Christmas ornaments and bulk bags of cotton balls.

Until once again I found myself at the check-out line, this time under the intense scrutiny of the Captain of the Costco Schutzstaffel,  Herr Creepy Von Floor Manager.


'No, you may not see my ID. No, I am not a member.  I am here with my very good friend who was simply dying to buy this small gift item but who seems to have forgotten her wallet which is a plausible explanation for why she seems to be paying with my bank card.  And may I just say thank you, Herr,  for helping me to reach a decision about a great moral dilemma with which I had been struggling.'