List 7: Reasons Why Tofino Should Have Been Named Canada's Best Place to Live

1. Surfing
2. Surfing
3. All-You-Can-Eat Crab
4. Wally "I only drink when I'm sober" the water taxi guy
5. Surfing
...take that, Ottawa.

Place Your Bets

I think I need to interrupt List Month for a PSA on the reality of living on the west coast of BC.  Three concerned, early morning phone calls from distant friends informing me of the threat of massive flooding and radiation poisoning have convinced me that the Alaska Tsunami Warning Centre clearly has a very surprising payroll.   And that everyone needs to calm down.


I know you've all been watching the news lately and you've been hearing some alarming and tragic things.  I am here to tell you that everything you have heard is true.  Life is a gamble here on the western edge of the Pacific Rim of Fire.  Between the mud slides, avalanches, wild fires, earthquakes, tsunamis, cougars and retired pilots, simply stepping out the door in the morning is filled with risks.  


Just think of it as the ultimate in sport wagering.  


Will it be the raging forest fires of summer which take me while I camp in the back country?  Mudslides in the interior?  The inevitable earthquake for which my 72 hour emergency kit is now, apparently, woefully inadequate? Who knows?  I can't really say I've given it much thought as I toil about my little days, despite the frantic phone calls from 'back home' asking if I've stocked up on iodine tablets and extra dog food.


But I suppose, if pressed, I'd have to say my money is on the next Buick with veteran's plates at the cross walk on 5th.

List Six: Home Beauty Treatments, The Perils Of

1. Coffee grounds do not easily wash out of your eyes.
2. Or your hair.
3. Tomatoes burn if applied as an astringent after exfoliating. Really.
4. An avocado, yogurt & honey mask  can also make a tasty snack, but not after you've smooshed it onto your face.
5. Baby oil, olive oil or almond oil, it's all bloody slippery on the kitchen floor the next morning.
6. Preparation H ointment is not an aphrodisiac. Period.

Thanks to all the gals who brought home remedies, flowers, pie and laughs. And a toast to absent friends: I had an extra martini for you all.

List Five: I Can't Remember Why I Wrote This List

I recently unearthed this list while searching for a book.  I found it on a shelf, tucked between "The Life and Works of Emily Carr " and "It Came From The Far Side".  Enjoy it. I did.

• vacuum
• dust
• eggs
• potatoes
• more pills 
• the roof
• cat box
• glitter 
• call the ball man
• cheese nips

 List Month rocks.

List Four: Things I Found While Vacuuming

1. Feathers
2. A vodka bottle, empty
3. A vodka bottle, containing feathers
4. One fishnet thigh high
5. My dignity and self-respect

List Three: Highly Improbable Things That Have Fallen Out of The Sky and Onto My Lawn in BC

1. Snow

List Two: Things My Rottweiler Has Eaten

1. My retainer.
2. 1 L of honey.
3. 3 raw chicken breasts from a grocery bag left unattended for approximately 0.3 nano seconds.
4. A grocery bag.
5. JD's arthritis medication.
6. A marmot (sorry).
7. Half of my socks.
8. Husband's breakfast toast.
9. An entire pan of brownies.
10. The 'squeakies' out of all the dog toys.
11. A red feather boa.
12. A DVD case.
13. The mailbox key.
14. The remains of about a billion salmon.
15. What we can only guess must have been chili based on the, ahem, end result.
16. A ball belong to the neighbourhood Idiot Child.
17. The brush attachment from the vacuum.
18. A sea urchin.
19. Something she found in Rogers Pass that put up a fight but was gone by the time we reached her, possibly a gnome.
20. 14 loaves of bread and counting...