Mystery Caller

For those of you not following along at home, I have a strict "not answering my cell phone" policy which I seldom, if ever, break. Exceptions include NEVER.

Just scanning through my missed calls over the last few weeks it would seem that there is a very persistent person or group of persons unwilling to infer, from my continued refusal to pick up, that I want them to die a horrible death, pinned under that bus that has them all riled up and chat-happy. Seriously, if the person you are attempting to reach hasn't picked up after 43 attempts, it's possible they are using your misery to fuel their own petty amusements. 

Or  something. 

It's not that I hate talking on the phone. Husband will testify that I can happily spend the better part of a day on the phone with family or friends, and often do. It's that I specifically hate talking on my cell phone. I can and will happily answer a text at my leisure, confident that Emily Post considers anything up to four hours a reasonable length of time in which to respond. A ringing phone, and more specifically a ringing phone while (at the bank/ in the library/on a jog) or any other euphemism for coitus interruptus that you can imagine, really steams my broccoli. I find the ubiquitous use of cell phones for conversation in public one of the most obnoxious social developments of the 21st century. 

That and people who don't plan their order while in the line up for coffee.  

My cell doesn't even have voice mail or caller id. If I had my way, it wouldn't even vibrate when a call is coming through. Instead it would order me a selection of lacy things from the Victoria's Secret online catalogue and charge it to the Mystery Caller's card.  

How do you feel now, Mystery Caller? Dirty? Wait 'till the mail comes in...

Blending In With Albertans

The Rodeo Weekend

It is possible to attend a rodeo in Alberta and not have a fantastic time, if you don't like beer in solo cups, baskets of hot wings, mini doughnuts, meats on sticks, the smell of horses, crowds of cheering fans, pink "Corona" cowgirl hats or being hit on by old men in dusty plaid jackets.  

Fortunately, I enjoy all of those things. I especially enjoyed telling everyone that it was my first rodeo, at each rodeo I attended, because who doesn't like free beer? It has been pointed out that this is a huge breach of the 'this ain't my first rodeo' charter but I stopped listening on account of the beers.

Coming from small town Ontario, I imagined rodeos would be a lot like tractor pulls and crash derbies, only with horses. And it was, apart from the fact that they don't actually allow the horses to crash into each other.  On purpose. I mean, the announcers assured us that the rider was just fine, it was only a small collision with another horse and a fence post and the ground. Alberta! Exciting!

I have absolutely nothing bad to say about rodeos in Alberta that PETA has not
already written on poster board and thrust up and down out front of the Saddle Dome.

The Pros and Cons Of Tenting

Pro: small, portable; can set a tent up nearly anywhere.

Con: small, forgettable; can leave a tent nearly anywhere, often heading out on a camping trip leaving the oh-so-portable tent behind on the driveway. 

Pro: good emergency shelter in most weather conditions. 

Con: a bitch to set up during an emergency in all but one weather condition.

Pro:  thin walls keep you in touch with Nature. 

Con: thin walls do not prevent Nature from touching you. 

Pro: the smell of smokey nylon brings back happy memories. 

Con: smokey nylon is smelly.