Skinner-Ma-Rinky-Do

Behaviour Modification Case Study: Replacing note-leaving behaviour with underpants-on-head behaviour

Needs Assessment:

Subject displays antisocial behaviour by leaving handwritten notes requesting that birdseed not be left on a local parkbench. Subject does not seem to have any qualms about littering or being an overbearing control freak. It would be ultimately desirable for the subject to cease this note-leaving behaviour completely however success will be defined as 'uncontrolled screaming at the sight of birdseed'.

Implementation:

Over a period of 20 non-consecutive weeks, on unscheduled Saturdays, the subject's handwritten notes were replaced with birdseed.

Observations:

After 7 weeks escalation behaviour was noted: larger printing, underlined capitols, stapling, or tacking notes to the bench.  No note was left on week 11; instead the bench was occupied for at least 1.5 hours by Clint Eastwood.

Weeks 12-18 showed a marked decrease in the severity of the tone of each note, classified by the use of lowercase letters, writing in blue as opposed to red marker; notes written on the backs of anti-acid cartons in lieu of children's cereal boxes.

Week 19 showed the return of notes demonstrating strong emotion: subject used black and red marker on the same note; multiple notes were tacked to each end of the bench.

On week 20 a trail was discovered leading away from the bench, ending behind a tree where evidence found supports the hypothesis that the subject may have spent several hours there on separate occasions.

Conclusions:

As the behaviourist has never, to her knowledge, seen or interacted with the subject in any way other than those described above, it will be hard to determine the absolute success of this endeavor. However, based on the observations over the final 8 weeks of this study, it would be reasonable to assume that the subject is now very close to scaling a tree and urinating on passers by.

Beef Shakes: Coming Soon

Carb-free, all natural chocolate flavoured protein powder from 100% vegetable sources tastes exactly how you would expect vegan protein to taste, i.e. nothing like pork ribs.


The fact that it comes from Costco adds a subtle nuance of bitter shame to my after-workout, all natural banana-and-vegan-mocklate recovery smoothie.


I need a burger.

My 3.01 k

I went for a run today.  Not a big one, I haven't been body-snatched, just a small 3k.  I realize that isn't a big number but if I run it 13.7 more times I will have run a whole marathon. 
It should take me until around April.


On a side note, I really like using the abbreviation 'k' for kilometer.  It makes me feel more authentic, like those fantastically fit women in Le Salon du Overpriced Footwear Fitnesse.  Needless to say it is only important that I sound like them.  Looking like them would require me to spend an entire paycheck on running shoes and to mortgage the house for fancy pants and hoodies which have clearly never seen a drop of sweat.    


This is all part of the Plan For A New Tam.  It took a week to get me psyched up to go.  A week of dread and turmoil and cheese doodles, which pretty much sealed the deal on the run.   I called in support from a friend who promised that she was in 'probably close to the same shape' as me (poor dear) and we set a date to run together, foul or fair.  Unless it was raining. Or windy.  Or there was a new Vampire Diaries.


It wasn't as bad as I thought.  My friend and I have compatible paces although she's a little shorter than I so technically I guess you could say she runs faster than I do.  I actually enjoyed it.  So much that I think I will be back out there in a day or so.  As soon as I find my other lung.


My next drama will be to return to the Super Expensive Running Shoe Store and, with a perfectly straight face, ask the sales person to recommend good running socks.  I'm told the sight of enthusiastic spittle collecting in the corner of the guy's mouth while he stares at my left ear and extolls the virtues of poly-cotton blends is not to be missed.