I want to ride my bike...

First bike ride of the summer! Yeah! This is going to be great.

Where is my bike?

Why is my bike in the back shed, who moved it there?

Where is the saddle and post for my bike?

I am going to kill Husband.

Why is the post for my bike in the garage?

Why is the saddle on the post the crappy $15 one? Where is my $80 Terry Cite X Gel Saddle "designed for her comfort", with all the right bits in all the right places for my lady bits?

Text from Husband: Oh, that seat. Um. Sorry. It's at work. Sorry. On my bike. Um.  Sorry. Get Helpful Coworker to go get it maybe? Sorry. Um.

Helpful Coworker is under the weather and besides, that's a silly reason to disturb someone's Sunday morning, no matter how wonderfully helpful they are. 

I am going to kill Husband.

Never mind, I will use the crappy seat and enjoy my sunny Sunday no matter the cost to my lady bits. This is going to be so great!

Wait. Where is the allan key set? 

And the tire pump?

Text from Husband: Oh. The allan key set is in the big blue tool chest behind the other big blue tool chest, in the drawer marked "Glues and Caulks". Not in the drawer with the glues and caulks, marked "Drivers and Bits". I don't know where the big pump is. The small, tubular, silver one is on the tray with 5000 other small, tubular, silver tools. Sorry.

I am really going to kill him.

Pumping up my tires, I am so close to my first bike ride! This is going to be so great!!

Where is that hissing coming from?

Seriously, where is that hissing coming from?

Canadian Tire Service Person: This kit right here is the best we have for patching bike tires. Can I interest you in an allan key set and a large bike pump also?

Hugs with strangers are great.

Plus, I am a grown up. I can patch this tire. Step one, find the leak...

Oh. The hissing is coming from the bike pump.

Ok.

At least I have a fancy new travel sized allan key set with which to tighten on the crappy seat.

Clip shoes make the best noise on the paved driveway, don't you think? Clomp clomp. Grown ups can enjoy clompy shoes as long as they are Serious about their Sport.

Clomp clomp clomp.

Camel Pack and helmet on, check! Map My Run engaged, check!  Here I go! This is going to be so great!

Crap. My chain just came off.

Not to worry. I am a grown up, it's just that now I'm an oily one. Luckily I am wearing the pair of padded bike shorts I borrowed from Husband. Hands not so oily now. Ha.

Map My Run: Distance,  5 kilometers. Time, 28 minutes, 45 seconds. Average speed, Old Lady Pushing Grocery Cart Uphill.

Wow. I never noticed how snarky that voice sounds. 

Look how lovely and green Alberta is! This is really great!

It's raining. It was sunny like 5 seconds ago. I guess I better turn around.

What the hell was that!? 

Oh.

My seat just fell off.

Whew. That was close. Lucky for me I landed on my already wounded back, with my feet still attached to their pedal clips, which I recall swearing to a friend only yesterday almost never happens.

Right in front of a delivery van.

Seriously, hugs with strangers are the best.

No injuries to anything worse than my pride. I'll just pop this seat right back on with...

Wait. WHERE IS MY NEW ALLAN KEY SET.

Omniscient Memory Camera zooms in on handy new travel sized allan key set, tucked in convenient travel case, sitting carefully on top of the blue tool box next to the other blue tool box.

In the garage.

I don't know how this, too, is his fault but I am so going to kill Husband.

For Dad

Today is Father's Day. As days with capitals go, in my books Father's Day ranks right up there with Mother's Day and Victoria Day for providing excellent reasons to get out in the sunshine, roast some manner of beast and generally have a great time with family. I intend to do all of these things. But not today. Today I am very, very far away from my father and my family and although it makes me sad that I cannot see their faces laughing, I can remind myself of all the things my father taught me and thank him for those lessons, even at a distance.

One of the most profound lessons my father taught me was about love. Now, not a lot of you may know this but my father loves my mother more than any man I think has ever loved his wife and the mother of his children. I can tell you this with certainty because my home was not always an easy place to be. I'm not airing dirty laundry here so I'll just say there were arguments and sometimes the greater family as a whole didn't always get along with all the bits of itself that had joined the Collective over time. That can take it's toll on a person and show itself in many ways. My deeply introspective and gentle father seemed to grow a protective layer of prickles and stings in order to shield himself at times and watching him, I learned that reading quietly could sometimes be an act of defiance; a peaceful man's attempt to keep the peace, though not always successfully. Somehow, though, in the midst of all of this tumultuous family goings-on, he showed my brother and I what it meant to love someone with your whole heart. Dad loves Mom and that is the rock I have built my life upon. No matter what, even if it's hard, especially if it's hard, you never turn your back on that promise to love a person for the rest of your life and theirs. 

I have my father to thank for teaching me strength in the face of adversity, for showing me that love isn't always easy or pretty and that the things that are really worth fighting for are sometimes the best reasons to sit down, shut up and read your book. Dad is the reason I trust that people are essentially good, once you let them get all of the bullshit out of their system. He is the reason I love to laugh and the reason I love Husband with every tiny last little bit of my heart. No matter what.

He also told me once that when he was a little boy he dreamed of running away to the Wild West and joining Roy Rogers on his ranch, to grow up like a real cowboy. You can't help but love someone like that.